about 300 years too late. damn.
Damn I wish I could be a pirate.
Of course, it's really hard to be a pirate in this day and age...well, I guess I should say it's really hard to be a SUCCESSFUL pirate. How awesome would it be to sail the seas while looking for opportunities to pillage and wearing supercool pirate gear (maybe with a sword and necklace of teeth, I don't know)?
Think about it.
No more worries about the stupid cost of gas or if roommate is going to donate bill money or (cough cough) using that dumb $$$$$$$$50,000 degree that took 8 years and a whole lot of valium to earn.
No more struggling with the value of ditching the worn out chuck taylors and donning a pair of (probably pointy) "responsible" grown-up-shoes. Wouldn't have to struggle with it because business-casual does not exist in pirate land; you can't strike terror in the hearts of the masses while wearing a matching cardigan set.
.um, eew.
Wouldn't it be great to wake up in the morning (which might be around 2 pm) and think, "hey, this looks like a great day to go ashore and terrorize a village!"
Ok, my psychopathy is showing. Maybe you wouldn't have to TERRORIZE the village, maybe you could befriend the natives and leave with some cool potion believed to cure scurvy or something. (I'm not sure what the contemporary pirate ailments are, but I like saying "scurvy"- it sounds romantic)
Maybe you decide to stay at sea for a bit and spend the day fantasizing about your next adventure which will occur…well…whenever you decide it should occur.
Freaking THINK ABOUT IT!
If you wake up hating everyone (which I fully admit happens to me about 6 days a week) the answer is simply to stay below deck until A) you feel like tolerating people again –or- B) the sun goes down
But who will steer the ship, sara?
MY CREW!!!!!!
Oh hell yeah.
My crew would steer the ship because (though I would employ lot and lots of mindless lackeys which would not be considered “true” crew members) they would be totally capable of autonomy and yet be so deathly afraid of pissing me off or earning the disappointed mommy look (which I have perfected, by the way) I would be able to trust them to make important decisions like “avoid the iceberg!” or “loot that wealthy but unprotected trading port!”
When you are the captain of a pirate ship (and especially when you generally hate other people) you probably have to devote a great deal of time and energy in the crew selection process; an appropriate crew member would have to be of like mind and a complimentary personality. For example, a giggly, glass-is-half-full-bright-side-silver-lining, freak would probably not mesh well with my supercool, yet hopelessly restless and discontented nature.
Oh crap, I just described the anti-me as "happy"...whatever.
My crew would have to possess similar attitudes of dissatisfaction but with a fully submissive flavor.
!!!WANTED!!!
Individuals to form the most awesome pirating crew ever. Qualified candidates will be able to form thoughts with minimal assistance and require little direction or acknowledgment from the captain. Must possess a desire to do something better and explore something pretty. Ideal crew members will be able to entertain themselves and maybe kill things. Those candidates who are unwilling to change course without warning or explanation need not apply. No previous experience necessary, special consideration given to women and minorities.
I gues it really doesn't matter, as I will never be a pirate (or an astronaut, for that matter). I am stuck here, in 2007, looking for a way to fit a dead set of values and aspirations into the BS of modern life and someone else's idea of what "success" looks like.
